It's guys talking about guy stuff. You know, the inside stuff, the stuff we want to know about, the stuff we want to discuss, the experiences we want to share, and the questions we can't ask our moms. So share it, dare it, enjoy it.
Welcome to Part Two of our look at how guys who want to masturbate handle the privacy challenges of their living situation. You may want to read Part One to see where we’re coming from, but to summarize, this is what’s up: Given the fact that masturbation is pretty much a part of most guy’s lives, what do we do when our living arrangements make it difficult to find that quality “alone time”? In Part One we asked you about how you handled the situation at home sharing a room with one or more brothers. In Part Two, we’re going to take a look at the situations that come up when guys are away from home and living at school. It might be boarding school, college, university, a dormitory, a frat house…you get the idea.
Going away to school and living with someone is a bit of a different game than when you lived with your brothers. You and your roomie are on a peer level so you can’t really kick him out or lock him out when you’re horny. Dormmates are usually strangers at first so it takes some time to feel them out and find out what they’re attitudes and routines are. They maybe be extremely shy about the subject of masturbation or they might be the kind of guy who sleeps naked and doesn’t care if you see his morning wood as he walks around the room. Possibly your dormmate is a friend from high school, possibly you’ve jacked off together before so the dorm room thing is already no big deal.
And then there’s the living space. Sharing a room with one or more guys can be challenging. Typically dormitory rooms are small and somewhat crowded. It’s pretty much the only home turf you and your roommate have…there’s no “rest of the house” to hang out in. Chances are you and your roommate have odd schedules and it may be hard to predict when and for how long you have the room to yourself.
Many guys away at school cope with what they are dealt with and just wait for those times when their roomies are gone to indulge in some private pleasuring. Or, maybe it’s off to the bathroom to try and find some privac. The problem here is you’re probably dealing with a communal bathroom and they’ll be others present (possibly for the same reason).
More so than with your brothers at home, here is where the “Roomie Contract” may come into play. As we brought up in Part One, this is where guys confront the situation head on with lawyer-like honesty and declaration. They pretty much have a discussion with their roommate that goes something like: “Hey, I masturbate, you masturbate, we both like to masturbate. But, we share the same room, so how do you want to handle this. Should we just ask for some alone time when we need it and the other guy leaves for a while? Should we have a secret knock so we don’t walk in on anything embarrassing? Do you care at all and should we just go for it when we want to even if the other guy is in the room?” Terms and conditions are agreed upon, the agreement is made, and the jerking ensues.
So how do you handle jerking off when you live with someone else in a dorm? Take the polls and let’s take a look…
It’s no secret that most guys masturbate. Whether it’s a little or a lot we all get the itch. In fact, according to recent surveys on this blog, the average amount our readers are doing it is about twice a day (that’s average…many do it more, many do it less). You don’t really need much to masturbate, just the urge, a penis, and a little privacy. Not a problem right? Well the urge part is easy, the penis part is easy, but what about the privacy part?
For most guys privacy means going off to your bedroom and shutting the door, indulging during a nice long shower, or wanking while nobody else is home. Not always so easy unless you live by yourself. Many of us live at home, have a large family, and/or share a room with a brother. If we don’t live at home we might have roommates, if we are away at school we might have dormmates, some of us are in the military and live in a barracks situation, and still more of us might be living in other circumstances that require roommates such as prison or rehab. And then there are those of us who are married or are living with a partner and we’d really rather not advertise the fact that we are masturbating.
So what do you do under those circumstances when you want to masturbate and need a little “alone time”? Many guys just go with the flow. They sneak what opportunities they can. They wait till the house is empty and seize the day. They hear their brother is going to be sleeping over at a freinds house and they go nuts in anticipation of the blissful privacy to come. They may sneak out of the room in the middle of the night to jerk it in the bathroom or they may be masters of covert masturbation and bust a nut quietly after waiting for everyone else to fall asleep.
Other guys confront the situation and take charge. They approach the problem in a business-like manner and negotiate terms of engagement with the other parties involved. They pretty much have a discussion with their roommate that goes something like: “Hey, I masturbate, you masturbate, we both like to masturbate. But, we share the same room, so how do you want to handle this. Should we just ask for some alone time when we need it and the other guy leaves for a while? Should we have a secret knock so we don’t walk in on anything embarrassing? Do you care at all and should we just go for it when we want to even if the other guy is in the room?” Terms and conditions are agreed upon, the agreement is made, and the jerking ensues.
Still other guys may be in situations where it just doesn’t matter. They share a room with someone who just doesn’t care or who joins in for the fun. I’m guessing this is rare, but it does exist.
Part One is on brothers, then we’ll take a look at some other typical roomie situations. So how do you handle the roommate situation? When you hear the call of the wild, how do you answer with your brother(s) around.
This is the third in a series of articles that explores those secret things that pretty much all (well most, okay, well you tell us how many) guys do a little or a lot. They are those things that we don’t really want to admit to, but if you ask a guy, he’s probably gonna get red faced and start laughing as a first reaction. They are the private little practices, playful games with our bodies, and covert activities that go on behind closed doors. See if any of these apply to you…
1. NOT GOING OUT WITH A LOADED GUN. This popular secret guy practice was heralded in the movie “There’s Something About Mary”. It’s the practice of masturbating before going out on a date or going to see your partner. The theory is if you’ve recently busted a nut you’re one, not going to be all horned up and over anxious to have sex, and two, when you do have sex you’re going to last longer.
2. SAVING UP YOUR AMMO. This is pretty much the opposite of the above practice. In this one, a guy who’s anticipating having sex on a particular day with abstain from masturbating and save up his load for several days. The thought here is that one, you’ll shoot a bigger load that will impress your partner, two, the orgasm is going to be much more intense, and three, if you didn’t shoot a big gusher you’re partner is going to know that you’ve been masturbating (and everyone knows guys in relationships don’t masturbate! haha)
3. HOW STRONG IS YOUR BONER? This one usually comes up during the course of taking a shower and getting dressed. The thought pops into your head, “I wonder what my boner can hold?” So we hang a sock on it, a shirt on it, a towel on it and walk around. We hang two towels on it and check ourselves out in the mirror. Be careful though, you definitely don’t want to overload. No one is going to be particularly impressed that you could you keep a wet towel hanging on your boner, especially if you pull a muscle or something.
4. WHAT WOULD I LOOK LIKE IF I WAS A GIRL? (THE PENIS TUCK). Okay this one is embarrassing. Probably during the same towel hanging session described above, or during a sleepover, or maybe in the locker room at school, the thought comes upon us….”hmmm, if I tucked my penis between my legs and walked around I’d kind of look like a girl, let’s see!” I know I know. It feels pathetic to write about it, but c’mon, you know you’ve done it.
5. COMPARING SIZES. This one may be a little less common. Probably because it requires the involvement of another person. Most guys, at some point in their lives or others, seem to have a perfectly normal curiosity about how their size compares to everyone else. So, maybe you talk about it with the other guys, or maybe you even whip it out and have a tape measure at the ready to see who rules in the size department. Some guys would never show their boner to another guy, others whip it out during every sleepover. What’s you story? Have you compared? Was it just verbal or was it visual?
Take the polls below and let’s see how common these 5 secret guy practices really are. To check out the other articles in the series, click on the links below:
Happy New Year to everyone. Just wanted to stop a sec and say thank you to each and every one of you out there reading and supporting the blog. It’s my sincere hope that somewhere someplace somebody gets something good out of it. I hope it’s you.
One thing that would help me do a better job is to get a better picture of who you guys are and where you came from to find this blog. So, if you could, take a minute to fill out the polls below.
Beyond that I always appreciate your feedback, ideas, comments and opinions. You can always comment on any post or send me an email at SecretGuyStuff@gmail.com Let me know what’s on your mind and how I can serve you better. Once again, thank you so much. You guys are the best. Let’s take it higher in 2012.
There comes a point in a guy’s life when he looks down and goes, “Aha what’s this? a trail? and look where this leads!” It’s sort of one of those marks of manhood that most of us take some pride in. It’s a sign that we have arrived. As we get older, we may think, “hmmm this is getting a bit much, time to trim it down a bit.” It comes upon us maybe a little or maybe a lot, relatively not at all, or bushy.
Some people consider it a turn on, others a turn off. It’s called many different things…the happy trail, treasure trail, treasure line, pleasure trail, pubic trail, and road to glory, among other things. It’s that line of hair that most guys develop in some shape or form that travels from the belly button to the pubic region.
How’s your trail? Take a look at the pic below and see which one mostly closely matches your treasure trail in its natural condition without any trimming, manicuring or manscaping….
1. PRETTY MUCH NO TRAIL AT ALL
2. A DISTINCT TRAIL, BUT NOT VERY HAIRY OR BUSHY
3. DEFINITE TRAIL THAT’S PRETTY FILLED IN AND WELL DEVELOPED
4. NOTICEABLE TRAIL, THICK, FULL, DENSE
5. WELL DEVELOPED TRAIL THAT SPREADS OUT IN AN INVERTED V-SHAPE GROWING WIDER AT THE BOTTOM
6. PRETTY MUCH THE TRAIL GETS LOST IN THE STOMACH HAIR AS HAIR SPREADS ABOVE, TO THE SIDES AND BELOW THE NAVEL.
Got a treasure trail you’re proud of? Send in a pic! Email it to @SecretGuyStuff@gmail.com
For those of you with any experience with this blog or my Twitter account, you’re probably going to be a bit shocked at this post. But, yes, I am sincere. Sometimes, masturbating isn’t right for everyone. There. I said it. haha.
For the most part, I’ve tried to make people more comfortable about a practice that everybody engages in. A lot of guys tend to feel like they’re the only ones that do it, or that they are dirty perverts for doing it, and they tend to feel guilty. Masturbation is widely regarded as a normal, healthy, harmless and productive practice that isn’t anything to feel bad about. It helps people learn about their bodies, it doesn’t get anybody pregnant, it relieves stress and has even been shown to help resist prostate cancer. But recently, I’ve become aware of a different point of view and, well, you know me, I like to be open and honest and fair and present all sides of the coin. So here we go. Let’s take a look at the people and instances that masturbation may not be the best for.
1. PUBLIC MASTURBATORS. Okay, this one is easy. If you’re the kind of guy who likes to masturbate on playgrounds or in shopping malls with the sole purpose of being watched and causing panic, then you totally have the wrong idea and have no right masturbating anywhere. So knock it off. Get some help.
2. MASTURBATION ADDICTION. Yes, it is possible to be addicted to masturbating. It is a form of sex addiction that can be a big issue for some guys. This can be a confusing thing though, because a lot of guys can feel like they are too nuts about masturbating. A lot of guys can feel like, “Wow, I’m doing it all the time….I do it much more than my friends…I’m a fiend and I jack off alllll the time….I do it all the time, I must be addicted!” Well for the majority of guys masturbating a lot is completely normal. Feeling like you’re doing it too much is completely normal. So how much is really too much? How do you know if you have a serious addiction issue and not just a guilty conscience? Well, it’s not so much the frequency that you’re doing it. Addictions are usually distinguished by those things in you life (such as drinking or drugs) that you truly cannot make it through the day…or the next hour…without. If you’re missing school, can’t leave the house, getting fired from work, avoiding having sex with your partner, breaking up with people, locked in your bedroom 24/7, obsessed with the next time you can do it, and otherwise experiencing negative consequences in your life because you’re masturbating all the time, then it sounds like you probably have an addiction. The best thing to do is seek help from a professional counselor.
3. YOU JUST FEEL LIKE TAKING A BREAK. Sometimes we can feel that we’re devoting too much time and energy to jacking off. We want to see what it’s like to go without it for awhile. Maybe we’re in a new relationship and our partner wants us to take a break…maybe we feel like we’d be better lovers if we didn’t jack off….maybe we just don’t have any reason, but a little vacation from masturbating just feels like the right thing to do right now. Then by all means go for it. Take a break.
4. MASTURBATION AND SIN. Many religious denominations feel that masturbating is a sin and that doing it is wrong. Many people of faith struggle with masturbating and seek to overcome it. Doing it becomes a source of guilt and shame. Although there is debate amongst Christians if masturbating itself is a sin, it is pretty much agreed that the lustful thoughts, carnal desires, misdirected energy, selfishness, and enslavement that accompany masturbating definitely is. In this case I would say I have to respect the person and their faith and encourage them to follow whatever they feel is true to the faith that is an important part of their life. Seek the advice and counsel of a trusted same-faith friend to help you in your efforts.
If you’re interested in cutting back or even cutting out masturbation in your life, there are a lot of sources out there on the Internet to help you out. Here’s a website in particular I ran across that seems to have a lot of good, rational and non-biased things to say on that subject. It covers quite a lot of ground and is informational and serious without being preachy or condemning. It’s called Moving Beyond Masturbation, Pornography & Sexual Fantasy. Give it a look if you want some more information and guidance on the topic of curtailing or quitting your masturbation habit.
I guess the main thing is to recognize that life is all about being honest with yourself and having balance in the things you do. If there are things in your life that are disrupted or weighing on you because of masturbating, then maybe it’s not for you. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
As 2011 comes to a close, let’s look back and see who among us experienced any of those big time “first” events during the year. You know…the first kiss, the first time you did this, the first time you ever did that… Who out there had any big milestones in 2011? Take the polls and let’s all see…
We seem to live in a society and culture that demands labels for all. Everyone seems to have a burning desire to pin a specific tag on you whether it’s republican, democrat, atheist, catholic, liberal, conservative, and of course, gay or straight. I’m not sure why that is…maybe people just need to know where you stand so they can fit you in their mind and know what to do with you.
When it comes to sexuality, there are many people no doubt who have a firm grasp on their label. They know for a fact they are straight or they are gay and they don’t mind showing the label. But for many people, the label may be hard to wear, others may not accept it, they may try and keep it quiet and wear labels that aren’t really true just to get by, or they are just not sure what label to adopt.
Everyone seems to agree that you are pretty much born with your sexuality encoded and you will be who you will be. No one puts much credence in the old belief that sexuality is a conscious choice anymore. But for some, that label issue can be rough. Kinsey and other researchers have suggested that it’s possible that the traditional hard and fast labels may not be exactly accurate anyway. They propose that sexuality is more like a spectrum, rather than a rigid definition, with 100% gay on the one end and 100% straight on the other. They propose that our sexuality can grow, evolve, change or transition throughout our lives defying the specific labels that people would like to pin on us.
The notion of sexuality as a spectrum rather than an absolute seems to make a lot of sense. Consider these situations that you or maybe people you know, or know of, may have experienced…a teenager whose sexuality is developing and is still too young to fully know where he is at…a straight person who has a best friend that he loves deeply and one night things get physical, but it never happens again…a straight person who goes through a period of curiosity and experimentation and then goes back to being straight, a husband and father who meets someone one day and discovers he is really gay….a bisexual person who gets happily married to someone of the opposite sex and is essentially straight the rest of his life…guys in prison….well enough said about that lol….but you get the idea.
Although for many people there is never any question, and they never move around the spectrum, for many people, sexuality is more of a thing that can evolve over time. Society seems anxious to slap a definite label on us. We look around and see tons of people who seem to know exactly what their label is. Everything seems to fit together for everyone…except us. We’re not sure, things are….kinda still gray. Fact is, There are probably more people than you realize who are not exactly sure, still developing, struggling with those questions. The point is, there really is no normal. Wherever you are at is normal for you. Things will get fleshed out eventually….just maybe not on society’s time….but more on your own. And that’s just fine.
So take the polls, tell us where you are at with this whole label thing.
So you’re a straight guy. You like girls. You lust after girls. You get boners over girls. You wanna do crazy things to girls. But what’s this? You had a dream last night about having sex with a guy? You fantasized about a guy when you were jacking off? You can’t keep your eyes from wandering in gym class? You got a boner skinny dipping with the guys? What’s up with that?
This is one area that might be super hard for a guy to admit to. But if we’re all being honest here, you know that it happens. In fact, if you look at a lot of the poll results on this blog you might be surprised to find that a very high percentage of guys identifying as straight report preferring gay porn over straight porn and having same sex dreams and fantasies.
These kind of events may be a little bit unnerving for those of you that identify as straight. I mean if you’re straight, why would you be getting a boner over a guy? Or even thinking about other guys? Does that mean you’re not really straight?
Well here are my thoughts on this potentially confusing subject. These are just my opinions, I’m not like a psychologist or anything, so take them as you will….
In my opinion, having same sex thoughts, curiosities, fantasies and desires COULD be signs that maybe, maybe you’re really not so completely straight after all. Maybe you’re emerging as a bisexual or homosexual…………Or………maybe it’s just the natural random expressions of your developing sexual self. Research studies consistently agree that having same-sex thoughts, curiosities, fantasies and desires are all pretty common occurrences for guys who are otherwise completely straight. This is particularly true of adolescents who are going through a period of sexual development, identity development, rampaging hormones, sexual learning, and just plain curiosity.
Here are some of the many reasons why predominantly straight guys can experience less than straight thoughts and feelings…
1. Well, there’s always the obvious and simple answer. Maybe you’ve jumped the gun. For many guys, sexual orientation can be somewhat turbulent during adolescence and emerges as more of a certainty later on. In other words, maybe you’re not anything yet and what you’re orientation ends up being is still to be solidified. Gay thoughts? Gay desires? Gay deeds? Hey, maybe you’re gay.
2. When you’re younger, practically EVERYTHING is sexual or at least new and sexual. So something like taking a shower with NAKED people (even though they are guys) gets sexual in your mind. Being NAKED in front of people (even though they are guys) gets sexual in your mind and POP, there goes a boner. Wrestling with a buddy is having skin on skin CONTACT and it goes all erotic in your mind. POP another boner.
3. You’re just plain curious about how you compare with other guys. Are you more developed? Less developed? Does your junk look “right” compared to everyone else? Are you bigger? Smaller? Hairier? It’s pretty normal to see how you compare with your buddies and sneaking peaks can hardly be helped. Besides, penies are pretty fascinating. Admit it your unit is a pretty amazing thing. It changes size and shape and it’s fun to play with. It’s just hanging out there practically demanding you attention. It’s pretty normal to be fascinated by it and in turn to be fascinated about what other guys are packing and how they compare to yours.
4. We often have fantasies about things that are exciting, forbidden, taboo, and exotic. Having thoughts doesn’t mean we necessarily would ever ever act on them. You may have a fantasy about dressing up in leather and tying up your math teacher. Doesn’t mean you’re ever going to actually DO that. You may have a fantasy about sex with a male movie star because they are certainly beautiful and sexy. Doesn’t mean you’re going to start humping on the next guy you see. So you’re straight but you have broader ranging sexual fantasies. Doesn’t mean you’re not straight.
5. In our teenage and pre-teenage years we’re forming our abilities to have deep emotional attachments with others. Oftentimes it’s all too easy to confuse the deep love we feel for a male best friend with the deep love we may feel for a girl in class. Our emotions and hormones are raging all over the place and sometimes its hard to sort out the intensity of it all. Somewhere in all that we end up feeling sexual about what several years later would be more of a brotherly affection.
6. Guys having sex is sexy. It’s not hard for a lot of guys to admit that, like the female form, the male form can be beautiful too. Add to that that as a teenager you’re probably not as sexually experienced and so wanting to see how guys function during sex is only natural. It ends up being a mix in your mind of beautiful people doing things you are curious about that are highly arousing. Kind of explains why some straight guys dig gay porn.
7. In the developing social and sexual life of a typical adolescent, we’re often more comfortable forming close relationships we other guys than we are with girls…who may at this point in life seem like strange, alien beings beyond our reach. So we end up hanging around with other guys who are just as horny and curious as we are. We wrestle around, we talk about experiences, we have sleepovers, we watch porn together and sometimes experimental stuff happens. Often these sexual acts are less about making love than they are about play acting or masturbation alternatives. When we’re more mature we move on to more intimate relationships with girls, but we may still enjoy messing around with the guys here and there.
8. Sometimes as we grow up we encounter individuals, other guys, who just plain amaze up. They are good looking, popular, socially comfortable, athletic…everything we wish we could be. They say funny things, they think profound thoughts, they have talents and abilities that intrigue us. We find ourselves developing intense interests in them that for all intents and purposes become crushes. We may fantasize about them sexually or think about them when we masturbate. We don’t think we’re gay in any other way, but with this person, here we are thinking gay things and acting gay ways. Once again, this seems to be a natural part of growing up. Yes, it may indicate that your homosexuality or bisexuality is awakening…or maybe it’s just latching on to a role model that fascinates us and we ourselves are trying to mature and figure who we are and who we want to be.
So once again we’re faced with another situation of hey, maybe it’s one thing, maybe it’s another. Point is, like pretty much all things we face when growing up, is to try and not stress about it too much. If you believe yourself to be straight and are having gay thoughts, dreams and fantasies, don’t be too concerned. It’s completely normal. Time will tell how things fall into place.
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