That Gray Zone — When Straight Guys Have Sex With Guys
It’s not talked about very often, probably not admitted to much, but fact is straight guys experiment sexually…whether it’s often or not…they have sex with other guys. The statistics vary somewhat as to exactly how many guys who identify as straight experiment, but when you look at the studies that have been conducted, they all come to the basic conclusion that straight guys having sex with other guys is pretty common. Here are some of the reports and their conclusions…
A recent survey conducted by Adam & Eve, a supplier of adult products, found that “17% of heterosexual adults admit being attracted to someone of the same gender! Of those respondents who indicated they have been attracted to someone of the same sex, a surprising 36% said they had acted on that attraction in a sexual way.” “This confirms what we have always suspected,” says sex and relationship expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk. “Most people’s orientations are not as rigid as once believed…It reinforces the need for acceptance of all ‘brands’ of sexuality… gay, straight or otherwise. Obviously, many people who are not identifying as gay or lesbian, are indeed attracted to same sex partners and/or have acted on it.”
Another study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control concluded that “There’s growing evidence that many men who have sex with men aren’t all gay or bisexual…more than 3 million men who self-identify as straight secretly have sex with other men…“
Another recent New York City survey that appeared in the September 19, 2006, issue of the Annals of Internal Medicine found that nearly 1 in 10 men say they’re straight and have occasional sex with men. In addition, 70 percent of these men are heterosexually married. In fact, 10 percent of all married men in this survey reported engaging in same-sex behavior during the previous year.
Other surveys have found that as many as 46% of all guys, whether they identify as straight, gay, or bi, have had sex of some nature with another guy to the point of orgasm.
Whether it’s actually true or not, there’s a commonly held viewpoint that girls experiment with each other all the time, and nothing much is thought of that. For whatever reason, the viewpoint of guys doing the same thing seems to have much more of a stigma attached to it. Hence, there is a often a great deal of mystery surrounding the subject.
Seems as though the fact remains, guys of all orientations…straight and gay alike…often experiment. The practice may be as simple as younger teens checking things out, having fun, or exploring their new found sexuality or out and out straight guys who don’t mind dabbling on the other team now and again.
Whatever the actual numbers, and whatever the actual reasons, a good many of us go for it. Do you? Have you? Would you?
Yes, I’m straight, and have no desire for a romantic relationship with a man whatsoever, but I have had 2 bisexual (oral) encounters. This is something I have fantasized about since my mid teens, but have only acted on now, as a married man, in my mid thirties. Without going into too much detail, Both experiences were enjoyable, and I will probably do it again. One of the men I was with acutally gave better head than my wife (who by the way, does not know that I’m into this sort of thing, and never will if I have a say.) It’s the second best oral I’ve ever had, the first being a woman who i’ve had an on/off again affair with over the last 3 years, (currently off).
May 28, 2011 at 10:12 AM
That is great. My wife and I are into swinging for 10 years. We are very picky when it comes to sex. My wife enjoys seeing me giving or receiving oral. She says it makes her more excited. She has a fantasy to see me giving or receiving anal but I am not ready for that. Sometimes she insists but I am not ready yet. Try to bring bi sexual movies and watch them with your wife when you make love to her.
September 20, 2011 at 7:51 PM
I’m straight, divorced, and a father of three kids. I had always wanted to experiment with a same sex partner but the opportunity never came up; certainly not with the people I work with and know socially. So, I placed an ad online, and met a guy for drinks at his place. It was awkward. We were so different. I have a military background (and haircut
and he was “artsy”, slim, with long curly dark hair. We chatted and sipped wine for an hour, and then, after an uncomfortable period of silence I got up to leave. The guy looked shocked, asked me not to go, and kissed me. It was my turn to be shocked, actually, because I didn’t think he was into me, but he was. I was the rookie in this situation; I really didn’t know what to do or what was expected. He asked me to lie down on his bed, and we made out for a while. Before too long our clothes were off and the kissing resumed. I’ll spare you the detailed play by play, but at one point he got up, went to the bathroom, and came back sporting a condom. He came back to bed and turned me onto my side. I knew what was about to happen, and I didn’t know how I felt about it, but in no time “it” was happening. I tensed up, expecting it to hurt, but it didn’t, really. There was some initial discomfort and “stretching” going on inside my body, but he took his time and waited a moment, and the discomfort subsided. What followed was great and I have never been so aroused – ever! I had read about how stimulating the prostate can cause pleasure in men, and I can now state from experience that its true.
I am still attracted to women, and sometimes to men. I have not has sex with a man since this first experience, but I want to. I think that our sexual boundaries are not set and defined as some people think.
May 31, 2011 at 10:28 AM
Quinn…looking to go again?
=
June 10, 2011 at 11:51 PM
I’m 23 and i’m straight guy. i have a friend since the first year in the university and we really good friends were roommates and there were times i felt things supposed to happened but it haven’t.
February 13, 2012 at 7:29 AM
I admit it, I love having sex with men. I’d like to see more guys get over the homophobia and just cut loose. Man on man can be really hot. Good for you guys speaking up about it.
June 10, 2011 at 11:54 PM
Would like to just cut loose.
August 28, 2011 at 10:26 AM
I had a bisexual encounter in college and it was daily contact primary mutual oral for about a year. We also experimented with just about everything else at times. It was isolated BUT I have had ongoing thoughts and fantasies ever since and in fact my wife knows all of this. I see myself as Bisexual actually as I genuinly enjoyed what I did and can see me again enjoying at some level. I have no thoughts of a relationship bisexually but rather just from a sexual perspective.
I will say from internet contact I have had with other men, it seems the % of men that are Bisexual is off the charts. I would guess 30-50% as it is a common thing to find web sites crowded with married men seeking fun or their release
July 2, 2011 at 5:49 AM
yes,i agree tom.
there,s lots of married guys,that wood,and do go with guys too.
its, just not talked about in the open. glenn
January 29, 2012 at 9:53 PM
I am convinced the number of “straight” guys who have sex with guys is very high. My wife was a flight attendant and would weekly tell me of marrried me propositioning the gay flight attendants wanting to suck their cocks. The stories were endless and convinced many married me love sucking cock
July 11, 2011 at 3:47 PM
That sounds encouraging but we have a long way to go to accept the occasional blow from a guy without being labeled gay or disgraced in the eyes of the public.
September 3, 2011 at 9:30 AM
If the social stigma wasn’t very high about sex and homosexuality, the number would be much higher. Primates have sex with what ever and who ever they can when the mood strikes. Relationships are a different story, but the point is that all guys are horn dogs.
August 18, 2011 at 10:23 PM
Iam only 16 but have had experiences in the past a recently with the majority of my mates but its not planned it just happens mostly with allot of drink lol that feels so good to get that owt there
August 20, 2011 at 10:21 PM
I envy those of us who have had the opportunity to DISCREETLY have at least a one time suck and felt the cum shoot into the mouth
August 23, 2011 at 2:26 PM
I agree.
August 28, 2011 at 10:27 AM
I love my buddies and they mean a lot to me. But I could never receive (or give!) oral or anal with them. Kissing or fondling would also be out of question. It would make my cock go limp. I have, however, enjoyed jerking off in the presence of my buddies. They have seen me enjoy stroking myself to climax, and I have seen them. It’s a guy thing, I guess. If another guy wanted to give me a handjob, I wouldn’t mind. But the thought of oral or anal with a guy is repulsive to me. Oral and anal with a girl, on the other hand…
August 23, 2011 at 9:05 PM
I’m straight but I had an experience once. I went into a small small shop. It was right before closing time and I was in the corner looking at something I was thinking about buying. The owner came up and started talking to me about the thing I was looking at. As we talked, he got a little closer to show me how it worked. As he stood there, I felt a little aroused by his closeness and then I felt his hand brush across my crotch. I thought it was accidental but a second later, it happened again. I felt myself get a semi and the next time his hand came close, I leaned into it. That led to him locking the door and soon, our pants were down. We both ended up doing oral sex. I have to say that at first it weird and I was a little afraid to put his in my mouth but after I started, I enjoyed it. I haven’t done it again since then but I often think about it and it still arouses me.
September 3, 2011 at 4:54 PM
am straight mate if any teenage boy or men tried to touch my penis or put his down my jeans i would f——n kill him did you not feel sick
September 4, 2011 at 6:32 PM
I don’t think you have anything to worry about, David.
Trust me.
December 25, 2011 at 7:43 PM
I don’t believe your crap! you sound like your way deep in the closet and most gay haters like you are afraid to come out and be honest with themselves and their sexuality and much prefer to push these feelings away and in return try and block it out and then end up to be haters with secret fantasy’s about other men! You should be lucky that you get any head from anyone looking at you!
March 21, 2012 at 11:37 PM
Would like to suck cock at least one time. We should be able to do so without being damned by society.
September 5, 2011 at 11:55 AM
I am a bisexual girl and I found this article fascinating. I have never told anyone this EVER, but when I’m at home all alone and I watch porn, I watch gay porn. It gets me off faster and better than any other and I have no earthly idea why. When my boyfriend asks me what fantasies I think about to get off by myself I have to make something up bc I could NEVER tell him the truth. I can’t even imagine what he would say if he knew. I am very accepting of gays and lesbians, but I do act a teensy bit homophobic at times. After reading this article I really want to ask my boyfriend if he has ever had any experiences with other men, but I don’t think he would EVER, EVER tell anyone if he had, even me and we live together and have been dating for two years. Although gay sex really gets me hot in porn, I’m not sure how I would feel about my own boyfriend having sex with men. It would definitely be a weird and crazy experience.
September 15, 2011 at 12:32 AM
I’m gay, fairly attractive but shit with friends, and it’s true, there’s no such thing as ‘fixed’ sexuality, hmamns are just sexual, and we have ‘types’ and ‘tastes’ and from time to time we experiment.
I am 17, male and I self identify as gay because I find boys much more sexually stimulating then girls. However I have had several sexual experiences with other boys from college/high school (I live in England, that’s how the education system flows here) who are as evidently straight as it gets. It might be because most of those events involved alcohol, and I am very persuasive when drunk, but I totally agree with this article.
September 25, 2011 at 8:17 AM
Widowed after a very long and happy marriage, I was celibate for a couple of years. Then, at a very advanced age I had an oral encounter with a stranger, and found I really loved giving head. I’ve gone down on 5 men in the past year, and have a 40 year old handsome gay boyfriend. I wish I had discovered how much fun man-man sex is!
November 3, 2011 at 4:41 AM
It’s the best, isn’t it?
November 15, 2011 at 10:08 PM
I’m a 60-year-old man, and until recently had never, ever thought about having sex with another man. However, when the urge came, it came strongly — so much so that I decided to act upon my desires. I placed an ad on Craigslist, met a nice gay man who allowed me my first homosexual experience. I gave him my first blowjob and received one in return. I have to admit that I was thrilled that the experience was even better than I had imagined. The new, previously unkown sensations were the most erotic and sensual I’d ever felt. I can only say that the feel of another man’s dick in my mouth was quite exquisite, to say the least. And I couldn’t believe how eager I was to try things on my own, without any coaxing from my gay partner. I found myself readily and hungrily kissing his penis, fondling it and putting it in my mouth as far as it would go. I also found the sensations on my tongue when licking his balls to be quite exciting. After the experience was over, I found that I was quite proud of myself for having had the curiosity and the courage to act upon my desires. I’ve since been looking for another (and hopefully fulltime) gay lover with whom I can explore my new found sexuality much further. And now that I’ve tried another man, I have no desire, whatsoever, to be with another woman. Man-to-Man sex is better than anything I’ve ever experienced during any of my marriages or relationships with other women.
November 15, 2011 at 10:03 PM
Wish I could talk to you at length. Same age & circumstances except I’ve been curious for about 10 years. Would like to know what you felt, how you broke the barrier between “wanting” and actually performing your first act.
April 29, 2012 at 10:40 PM
I had a couple of encounters with a bud during university. Nothing all the way or anything.. just rubbing up against each other in bed. Then 20 years later, married with three kids, these feelings came back (thank you available internet porn), and I hooked up with a close friend of mine. We had started just horsing around on online chat… getting aroused… but one thing led to another, and we finally hooked up for real. Kissed, fondled, got naked, oral, rimming.. you name it. I sucked him off once till he came in my mouth.. which was quite exciting. We met every other week or so over a period of a nearly six months. At one point I was so horny… I told straight out to fuck me.. which he gladly obliged.
I’m still married.. still love my wife.. still have great sex with my wife… but given the opportunity to hook up again with this friend.. I definitely will.
December 20, 2011 at 4:02 AM
I am a 44 year old married guy with 1 young child.At the age of around 14 to 16 my best friend and I used to jerk each other off every now and then.We then stated dating girls and that was that.I have always fantasised about being with a guy as an adult but never acted on it.Until 4 years ago when I connected with a guy in his early 30′s and fooled around together.I have since then had another 3 encounters with men and am now hooking up with another married guy every couple of weeks.I love my wife dearly,but I also really love what being with another guy can do for me.Sexually it is awesome because men just seem to know how to arouse another guy and if any guy out there loves the feel of his own cock then holding another guy’s cock is even better.Also the heart connection that 2 guys who surrender to each other can have is amazing.One thing I am learning is that there are a lot more guys out there that have been with or would like to be with another guy than I originally thought.This is very liberating for me.Thanks everyone for sharing.
January 2, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Just look on POF, men searching men and you’ll find alot of straight or bi guys looking for a no strings attached intimate encounter, usually looking for other straight acting and masculine guys. That should firm up your belief that straight men are sexually attracted to the same sex.
January 22, 2012 at 9:13 AM
Sorry this is quite long.
Growing up I was always into mythology from different cultures, as well as warrior culture. As I became a bit older, I’d say around 15; I never saw it wrong or weird for two men to be greatly affectionate/loving, and intimate/sexual with each other. I saw it was done in all of the cultures- which also always had a warrior culture behind it. So I started studying about homosexual relationships in the ancient world, to initially see what was thought of them, or if it was done. Because of modern society, and being young- I thought that some huge tough gladiator in ancient Rome, or Pankration fighter in ancient Greece, or Samurai warrior of old Japan- would never engage in man sex.
I not only learn that they did, but also learned it was not how we today view male/male sex/relationships.
I always thought it was pretty interesting (in a cool way), noble, and I also thought it was the way men should be, if they were so close with another male. There was no such thing as the whole passive and aggressive, within these relationships; because there was no penetration. They viewed penetration as something degrading, unclean, unsafe, humiliating for a man to have done to him, and also saw it a man (the one being penetrated), as taking on the role of the female allowing himself to be penetrated by another man.
The two men locked in a bond, were also very exclusive faithful to each other. In some cultures men had many women, and in some he was only with one- but he was always still with that one guy he bonded with. The sex they had with each other was rubbing their genitals together until equal orgasm, and viewed it also as sharing, and celebrating their masculinity, and victories- and it just made the admiration, and respect they had for each other as men, warriors, and brothers stronger.
I learned that anal sex did go on of course in the ancient world, warriors even did it, but here is how. In some cultures namely Greece, anal sex was illegal though still done, and also not something widely favored, and usually seen in pornographic frescoes and such.
Only the men who were the aggressive, were seen as manly, even though still the whole act of anal penetration was not seen as ideal. On top of that the only men who were used for sex by other men, were men of lower status socially (slave boy). It was also used even on the battlefield, particularly among Vikings, who’d rape the last man on the battlefield, and send him back to his people with a lot of shame.
Lastly is the whole “right of passage” thing I always saw, in which messing about with a young boy, was seen as a right of passage… I learned that this was not done and seen the way we today think of it. First of all, there were perverted people who exploited people (especially the young), like we have today; who’d also try to use things like god to justify their disgusting actions. This is what some intellectuals did in Greece (Athenians), and it was still not widely accepted. In all frescoes, or pottery depicting sex of older/younger. The younger boy is always seen as flaccid, and their expressions not exactly joyful, while the man is seen as erect and looking like he’s enjoying it.
The Spartans didn’t do this practice, and viewed it as feminizing a boy; because if he’s being used for sex by a man, he’d become used to it, and will allow men to continue to use him for sex. The whole mentor younger/older male, was done much differently not just in Greece I learned, but in all cultures. The younger male would be of age 14-16, the older male was 20-25. The younger male would choose the older male, which would start out as him admiring him so very much especially if this older male was quite famed.
If the older one was already locked in a bond with a mentor, or man- he’d have to refuse him. If he wasn’t and he accepted him- they developed a bond, before any type of intimacy came about. More importantly he was to teach him of honor, and being a man, and if the boy got into trouble, the mentor was punished for it.
Now I’m not trying to say anyone today who does anal sex, is bad. I’m just saying I understand why they viewed it the way they did in the ancient world. In modern society we think any kind of intimacy with two men, must involve anal sex, and this is simply not true.
At the age of 19 I ran into another guy I had become quite close with; we had even served together. We developed a strong bond, and at 22 was the first time we had actually done anything sexually. He too admired the same things I did with the way men treated such relationships and all. After we had sex we both fully understood why they did it the way they did (without the anal sex), and I can’t even describe how awesome it feels physically, emotionally, and mentally. I know for a fact the feelings that always come up when we do that, would never be the same if we started penetrating each other.
Today I’m 30, he’s 31. He’s getting married, I’m married-but our relationship is still the same. I remember him saying to me “Out of all the men in the world, you’re the only one who has my heart”. I feel the same way about him.
February 2, 2012 at 12:38 PM
Chris,
From reading your comment, it sounds like you must be a “g0y” (spelled with a zero), as I recognized some things in it that I’ve read elsewhere online.
April 27, 2012 at 3:49 PM
This site is fucken awsome
February 13, 2012 at 11:54 PM
im straight 22 years old.. when i was 15 me and my buddy would always jerk off together its normal with straight guys but one day we jus got too heated and and started sucking each other off, it would just happend by instinct whenever we would be alone at eachothers houses watching girl on girl porn. It stopped as soon i got into a relationship with a great girl, i love having sex with girls its amazing but time to time i have these INTENSE URGE to fucken just have good fun sex with another guy
February 14, 2012 at 12:02 AM
you are one lucky dude
February 14, 2012 at 3:51 PM
hi guys. PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE.I’m an 18 year old bisexual male and I am strongly attracted to my possibly bi-curious male friend. I have two friends on campus(1male, 1female) and the three of us often joke about how he and I are attracted to each other and whenever we leave the girl behind and go to his appartment, we joke about how horny we are and that we are going to engage in coitus. He is very liberal and i appreciate his friendship AND at times i cannot help but stare.He has alot of gay aquaintances that i have never met(even has DVDs of gay porn in his room,but i dont know if he watches it or not) i DO NOt have feelings for him i would just really like to see him in his birthday suite. he is very touchy(hugs,soft punches,holds me at the waist, touches my very lower back during conversations).i know for sure that he is heterosexual(so he says) and he has been having trouble finding a good girlfriend. just yesterday he told me how worried he was that he was “too comfortable” with homosexuality and homosexuals(after i suggested that he should try experimenting(jokingly)) and that he has been having ‘thoughts”. i freaked out and didnt know how to respond.i wanted to say “you should,experiment with me if you want” but instead i told him not to think that way because he might end up hating himself,homosexuals,and me in the process. I really really want him to experiment with me. how do i ask/suggest? what do i say to him? i dont want to ruin our friendship but i want him more than that.I have been with a guy before and I know hoe fantastic it is. PS,we both don’t drink.
February 21, 2012 at 2:50 AM
Firstly I would like to say thank-you to all the contributors on this page for sharing very real and very personal experiences but above all for sharing your feelings, thoughts and emotions.
The cross section of experiences and the fact that men, married or otherwise, are attracted sexually or non-sexually to other men really helps affirm to me that maybe I am not the odd one out – a feeling I have felt most of my life.
Before the advent of the WWW I always thought of myself as a freak because I lived in a small community – very patriarchal and role defined. The fact that I was atttracted to men made me think of myself as a weird abberation, an outsider on the inside, if that makes sense? I now know I am not but it has taken the best part of a lifetime to realise it.
It is only lately after much soul searching that I have finally come to feel at ease with who and what I am; a man, a simple uncomplicated sharing giving man, who is attracted to and loves everything male and manly. I LOVE MEN, in all their incarnations – ages, heights, wieghts, races, creeds, achievements…I LOVE MEN.
My declarative statement above may seem silly to a lot of the readers here but it is cathartic for me to sit and write knowing there are like minded men – and maybe some women – reading this.
I like other contributors am surprised at the number of married men who seek relationships, fuck buddies or one off encounters with other men. There is a cruising area ‘The Thicket’ near Maidenhead in Berkshire England, which is a busy meeting place for gay encounters. The number of men visiting the area is unreal – day and night. So to are the number of married men, who do not even bother to take off or remove their wedding rings before getting down to business. It always makes me laugh when those that do have the imprint of the ring on their third finger. Some try to hide the fact that they are married but most don’t bother.
I meet up with a ‘regular’ guy – blue collar str8 acting builder with his own business. We play and kiss and do mutual oral – it gets hot sweaty and sticky in his van but it is great. He has four kids and loves his wife but says its a part of him that enjoys sex with men. Me I am married with one child. We talked about what we are doing and decided to meet up regularly until we feel differently. I am sure it will eventually come to us fucking – we have talked about it and we decided that however we feel at the time either of us will assume whatever role feels most natural at the time.
I recognise a lot of the feelings and emotions others have talked about as well as the physical feel of a man. What I love about man to man sex is the warmth and feel of another human being touching me – being inside me. I look forward to fully body contact and being given and giving too.
Thank you guys for sharing and especial thanks to the owners and operators of the site who do such great job of allowing us this conduit to support each other.
Fondest regards,
Anton – in the UK
February 23, 2012 at 6:38 PM
i consider myself straight, but i have had 1 gay experience in the 3rd grade in which i touched another boys penis for a 20 seconds or so, he didnt touch me and no orgasm was achieved, i did however had many many many sexual experiences with females as a child, im talking genital contact, i do have gay thoughts sometimes, they are unwanted and intrusive but gay stuff doesnt give me an erection it just makes me feel agitated and annoyed, ive gotten head from girls and handjobs from girls lots of times, all to the point of orgasm, never have i orgasmed with a boy or kissed a boy or anything, just you know, what i said previously, anyway what im saying is, a man can have 1 or a couple of gay experiences and have gay thoughts, but as long as they have sex with girls and like girls more they are straight, i dont think anyone is fully heterosexual, and i dont think anyone is fully homosexual, i think everyone is pretty much bisexual, i am a person with mostly heterosexual/straight tendencies so i am a straight person
February 23, 2012 at 10:03 PM
well, i think we all have thoughts that we don’t like but can’t get rid of. Not everything that happens in the brain in under your conscious control. Just because you have thoughts or images of gay sex running through your mind sometimes doesn’t neccesarily mean anything.
I have a straight friend (I’m gay), who doesn’t get turned on by gay sex at all, but for psychological reasons lets me use his body in a sexual way from time to time. He never gets an erection while we do it, and he frequently shows very negative reactions to what I’m doing to him, but it gratifys some urge inside of him so he seeks out the experience. And I guess I enjoy the fact that he doesn’t like it? Maybe it’s sick, but we both want to do it, so….
March 27, 2012 at 11:32 AM
I’m 20, I consider myself straight, I don’t find men attractive in any way. But I’ve do have homosexual fantasies. I really, really want to try anal sex, the idea of it is incredibly exciting. As stated though I consider myself to be straight, if I was to act on my impulses the guy would probably have to be really well kept. It does make you realise that, like most things, sexuality isn’t as black and white as gay, straight or bi. If sex didn’t come with such a social stigma we’d probably all be quite a bit happier.
February 25, 2012 at 6:09 PM
I’m married man and during my years in high school, university, military and at the gym, I seen guys (young and old) with flaccid, semi or full erections. and could honestly say, “Never have I been sexually attracted to men”. Untill …. my mid fifties when seduced by my much younger (half my age) gym partner. It was the first time for the both of us and we enjoyed the man2man body contact and … more
March 9, 2012 at 11:54 AM
I’m a gay male who has been looking to have sex with straight guys for the past year, and in that time I’ve met a lot of guys who say the same thing as you: They’ve never felt any attraction towards guys when younger, but suddenly started to have unexplained desires in middle age. It makes me wonder if there’s some sort of physiological change that occurs in some men as they get older. Maybe when i hit fifty I’ll start being attracted to women, lol.
March 27, 2012 at 11:36 AM
I’m 20 and I have always considered myself straight and I do like girls a lot. But lately there is this guy that I can’t stop thinking about and he turns me on so much. He’s just so sexy and I really wanna feel him up and make out with him and stuff. It’s weird cause I can never see myself having a relationship with a guy or having sex with a guy. But I do sometimes find myself attracted to really good looking men and this isn’t the first man crush I’ve had either. So I don’t really know what you’d call that…
March 21, 2012 at 4:48 PM
Hi guys… i’m a 29 y.o. gay man from Montreal, Canada. I have been sexually active since the age of 16, and it’s always been with men…
I have the same questioning, but on the other side… I have been attracted to many women in my life, without going as far as being sexually involved with a woman. I like the easiness of man-to-man play, it is quite easy to get involved with other men especially if you live in a big city (Montreal has a population of 4 million people…) and with the Internet.
I have had encounters with married men. I dated one back a few years earlier, and after one month of regular action, he decided to leave his wife (of the last 17 years – with 4 kids!) for me. He really enjoyed it, and I wasn’t his first one… But the connection was great, we then engaged in a 2 years relationship, buying a house together… He introduced me to his wife and 4 kids, and it was very respectful, the kids loved me, and we formed a ‘weird’, but happy family… In 2012, things have changed and we are not set into defined roles as much as it used to be.
I say, if you have feelings for other men, or being just attracted to other men, you should act on it, responsibly and use protection when having sex. You will probably enjoy yourself, and discover things you don’t know about yourself.
Cheers!
March 24, 2012 at 2:25 PM
h. I’m not a professional in the area but I read somewhere that men experience a drop in testosterone in middle age and a rise in estrogen. Don’t know if it’s true but aside from some experts observation that men often become sensitive and seek out social (even none-sexual) interaction in a different way during or after middle age could perhaps also explain why some suddenly have an awakening attraction to same sex, sex.
April 2, 2012 at 8:17 AM
The other night after some drinks, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that he had had a gay experience with someone a few months before we met. He was drunk at a party and hooked up with a guy that we both used to know. Apparently the guy gave him a blowjob, and then they had sex. He would have been about 20 at the time. He was so embarrassed when he told me that he couldn’t look at me, but told me he felt like he had to tell me, and there was no one else he ever felt comfortable talking to about it. He also told me he struggled with the act after the fact for a couple of months. I asked if he has desires to repeat, and he says no. We talked about it at length, I asked questions, he answered.. but I still feel strange about it. We are incredibly close, and I thought, keep no secrets. Our sex life is extremely healthy and fun, no problems, and I also consider myself very open minded and non-judgmental when it comes to most things..
so why I am having such a problem with this? Should I let it go and think it was something in the past..? Try to talk to him more and be open to it? or would I be foolish to think this won’t happen again?
Thanks for any input.
April 7, 2012 at 1:48 PM
Anna,
Don’t let it get you down. If I could give any advice, it would be to try your best to be open about it with him. If it stays suppressed, the urge to revisit the past may arise again. And if he feels he cant talk to you about it, he may go seeking it without you knowing. Just be open and honest with him, so that your sexuality will remain harmonious. Barriers lead to a crisis.
And as you can see about most of these comments, it’s much more common than you would think. I think what is really important is that he is okay about what happened. As long as his sexuality and emotional wellness isn’t wounded by his unwillingness to be at peace with it, then everything is perfectly fine.
April 17, 2012 at 3:38 AM
Nick,
What great advice, thank you
Just to update.. so we have been talking, being open and honest over last couple weeks about why he felt the need to tell me now, etc etc.. he told me now because he trusts me, and after 4 years together, he felt the need to not have a secret like that and felt I was the one person in his life he could trust.
He says the same thing that a lot of straight guys are saying on this blog – he identifies as straight, has no desire to have a gay relationship, loves women (and me) but does occassionally think about having a sexual experience with a man.
I have therefore been trying to keep communication open about the subject.. not pushing him to talk about it, btu letting him know that I want to be with HIM, and therefore, nothing should be consider off limits (at least in terms of being able to talk about it together).
The subject of bringing another guy into the bedroom came up the other night. I have to admit, I think there could be aspects of that that I would find exciting.. mostly because when you love and are hot for someone, watching them be excited is the hottest thing ever. However, I am scared that watching my bf do *certain* things might be weird (for instance, him GETTING a blowjob, might be pretty hot… but him GIVING someone a bowjob on the other hand).. I know it isn’t fair, and wish it wasn’t true, but the idea of certain MM acts like that would make me look at my bf as somehow less masculine, and I am scared it might change how I feel about him sexually.
I suppose it is the stigma of modern day masculinity – If I was to be with another girl, no one, my bf included, would look at me as less of a woman. In fact, probably moreso the opposite – I would be ultra-sexual and desirable to most. So why the double standard?
..and yet, I still remain uncomfortable with the idea of my man giving head.
To sum up? If you are a straight guy with a partner and have these kind of feelings.. try talking to your partner. If they are the right person and you have the trust and honesty there, you might be surprised.
May 1, 2012 at 1:22 PM
I’ve had fantasies of giving head to an older guy ever since puberty. In fact I get much more aroused by these gay fantasies than by straight ones but I find that my orgasms are NEVER as good, I don’t orgasm in my brain, it’s only ever a physical release. When fantasing about loving a woman the orgasm can be so intense it leaves me weeping, it can feel like touching base with God.
All orgasms aren’t created equal. Just my 2 cents.
April 11, 2012 at 5:25 AM
Had my first thoughts/fantasies about guy/guy action around mid 30 (now 43), and have enjoyed the occasional interaction since, sometimes years pass, but the thought is always there. In my industry, I would be ridiculed to the point of quitting if found out, so….
Best experience was with another hetero guy, very handsome and a great kisser. Loved sucking his cock and love the feeling of being penetrated, but the dirtiness puts me off, even with female lovers that beg for it.
The stigma around guy/guy is annoying, considering women flaunt their bi/gay activities all over the place, and if guys do it, its considered gross.
April 12, 2012 at 1:07 AM
I consider myself straight and attracted to girls, and I have done it in a way of curiosity and to broaden my scope, sexually. I have this roommate in college that he always posing and showing that he would like me to blow him, then it came a time when in sexually in heat that i blow him, and then it never happened again. But i got this attraction to this guy, that when he shows interest in that thing it hits me hard, then come a time i started giving him a oral it happened several times now . . . and to do that discreetly
April 30, 2012 at 8:08 AM
Wow thanks a lot guys (and girls) for your help, I’m a 23 year old gay guy who regularly has sex with my best friend who is straight. I also have a fantasy to make out with a girl…………..is it normal?
May 1, 2012 at 5:50 AM
Absolutely! I don’t think you have come to terms with whether you are straight, gay, or bi-sexual. At some point, I think you’ll just wake up one day and say “This is what I like, and I’m going with that”, whatever the the outcome is. You’re just in the exploration mode. By all means, try a girl, you might like it and you might not.
May 27, 2012 at 5:42 AM
I am married for 25 years now and have three beautiful daughters. At 48, I was most fortunate to have met a guy who initiated a kiss. Prior to this time, I was not the least bit interested in kissing another man. But after he leaned in to me, I found myself kissing back. The experience was amazing to say the least. We moved from a couch to a bedroom where we continued to kiss and soon grabbed at each others clothes. The entire afternoon was more than I ever imagined. We met again a week or so later and then life got in the way. I look forward to seeing him again sometime and I am frightened that I may never get that chance.
May 10, 2012 at 3:07 PM
These honest posts are amazing. Thanks to everyone who has shared to help the rest of us who are looking for real life answers.
I am gay and have a partner of 20 years, but we have not had sex for about ten years due to my physical or maybe emotional illness. Recently, I met a much younger man who is married with three kids. He says he had never had a man on man experience with anyone before but wanted to with me. He swears he is attracted to women, but enjoys pleasing me orally and needs me to penetrate him for him to feel complete.
Two things surprise me 1) I am aroused and can actually have sex to climax with him; 2) our meetings have turned to talking and romantic with kissing and holding each other, etc. Now I’m afraid and unsure if I am falling in love with someone who really is straight and I’ll just end up with a fantasy that can’t be. We both can’t wait to see the other as soon as possible again.
What will happen to us when he sees an attractive woman. I’m not the jealous type, but don’t want to end up being a fool. Could it be that he is just now discovering himself or am I just an oasis for his unhappy marriage?
I know it is wrong for me to have fallen in to this situation while I still have a partner –even if it is merely a platonic relationship for many years. I don’t think I’m looking for advice on what to do, but do want to understand if this new 26 year old ‘straight’ man might really be able to fall in love with another man when he is extremely attracted to women.
May 11, 2012 at 1:07 AM
Wow, this site is amazing. I’m glad i’m not the odd one out. I’m 20 and straight. Never been with a man, don’t find them attractive and i’ve been with plenty of girls. However, the idea of being seduced by a man gets me hard instantly. Also, I have been fingered in the butt by a girl more than once. I enjoy prostate stimulation, but lately I’ve been fantasizing about having the real thing in my butt, and I seem to really want to give head. Should I act on these desires, or is it merely a fantasy?
May 16, 2012 at 1:07 PM
Has anyone here acted on their bi-curious feelings? If so, what did you do and did you regret it after you did it?
I have a chance to experiment, but now that it’s here I’m a little worried I may regret doing it and feel ashamed of myself.
Please, any advice, answers, tips, etc., are greatly appreciated, thanks!
May 17, 2012 at 4:57 PM
I wish someone would reply to your post, Scott. It’s exactly the question that’s been running through my mind.
May 19, 2012 at 10:53 AM
Scott,
Just tonight I acted on those urges. I consider myself bi-sexual and I have this best friend who actually told me that he wanted to experiment. I’ll be honest, I was excited, but when we actually started, It was a little awkward. I didn’t think we could do it, but I gave him head and a handjob and he gave me a handjob. I should also add that my friend is completely straight (so he says). This wasn’t the first time though. Tonight, I actually made him cum, and that was REALLY awkward…. But, the truth is, I wasnt to make him cum again, and I think he enjoyed it..
I say that you try it, just this once, and see what happens. You, and your partner, may be very surprised…
May 25, 2012 at 5:03 AM
It is perfectly understandable to feel ashamed or have doubts due to the REDICULOUS social pressure that put on same sex encounters, relationships, etc. Same sex happenings have been going on since the beginning and always will. Google vintage gay pics and look throught the multitudes of pics found over the centuries. If you feel inclined to bow to social pressure, or can’t bring yourself to get past the shame, then there is your answer (as long as you are not involved with man or woman, a relationship is a relationship, and should be treated as such). Otherwise, how can you knock something you haven’t explored, tried, etc.? And it could be possible that you are bi-sexual, of which is perfectly normal, too. Only you can answer these questions, dude.
May 27, 2012 at 5:32 AM
sometimes my best friend and I mess around now that we’re both single. only gave/received oral. I really badly want to try anal but I don’t think he’s as up for it as I am.
not into romantic relationships with other men, but so far gay sex has been pretty awesome.
May 25, 2012 at 2:00 PM
Bottom line, I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship, just hot sex. When it happens, you’ll know it, girl or boy. Never say never. Same applies to your friend, just enjoy what you can while you can. It will all turn out.
May 27, 2012 at 5:45 AM
Thank you so much for the survey it really help to find my inner gay. I needed to know the foundation of which this began
May 25, 2012 at 5:03 PM
Hey dudes, Thanks for all your posts. Really appreciate the honesty and info. I have a few questions: first, when a straight or bi dude hooks up with another dude how does it usually come about? Is it mostly online? Between good friends? Subtle cues between guys at str8 bars or public places like the gym? Designated gay meet up spots? Second, I’m a masculine openly gay grad student at a small close knit school and have a lot of cool chill str8 buddies. Most guys are surprised to find out im gay. A few of these str8 buddies flirt w me, sometimes subtly, sometimes pretty overtly, esp when were drunk, eg they become very touchy feely, make very sexual comments, tell me they love me. Two of them even briefly kissed my on the lips a few times. However, nothing has ever escalated beyond what I’ve mentioned. What can I do to help make this happen without risking seeming predatory or lecherous? Lastly, Is it better to be officially out as gay in a setting like this or would most straight guys never touch an openly gay guy? Thanks for any guidance u might have.
May 26, 2012 at 11:32 AM